It seems every year I restart a blog. Maybe because blogs always give me second chances. And every year I get all mellow dramatic about change and life and goals and all that. Well…I’m restarting the blog…But there’s no need to get deep….
The Taylor thing didn’t work for MANY reasons, but I still believe. When I stop believing in what I want to do I might as well stop living. So one day, somehow, I’ll meet Taylor. And I’ll write for a major magazine. And a lot of other things…
I don’t have trips planned yet, because I’m getting a surgery soon, but I have prospects…
Sooo it has officially begun. As soon as I stepped (or rolled rather) out of the 2216 with my Free Venti Frap, Dream Quest 13 was on, ohhh baby!
What is it exactly? Its the first official “Ride” of the Musical Ride, because I’m traveling to a different state (the fact that it’s Jersey is beside the point), and I’m on a mission, with one of my best friends to fulfill her (ok, our) dream to meet Taylor Swift. The T Swizzle. Whatever you want to call her.
The name is pretty self-explainatory once you know that Taylor’s luckiest of lucky numbers is 13. In order to make this happen, we need to be cheesy and outrageous, so I kind of like that the name is pretty legit in my opinion.
Over the next few days I’ll be posting Vlogs, pictures, quotes, whatever, as we live the Ride, Mostly from the Droid App on my phone.
What does this mean to me? Lots. Taylor Swift’s music has not influenced my life as much as some other artists have. But she helps me believe in Fairytales. Every one of her songs is basically it’s own little fairlytale and when I’ve had a bad day, sometimes escaping into one of them is comforting. Or when I have given up on one of my dreams I can just listen to one of her’s and it helps me believe again. Sometimes, that is enough.
Meet my new FlipCam, isn’t she pretty?? I know they are going out of business and stuff but I have always wanted one. I spent way too much money on it (I hope I use it more than once) but I hate videoing on my phone and it was always part of the plan for The Ride so yaay progress.
In honor of “The Voice” finale, I decided to dedicate a post to my favorite judge’s band, although I pretty much have enough to say about at least one song each coach has done to give them individual entries. Maybe I will eventually get to all of them. But anyway, Could not resist putting that picture up, but I promise, this entire blog is not me gushing about Adam Levine’s utter perfection. It really is about the album, because I love it.
But during my Fever, I realized something really funny about Maroon5 music. Obviously I like it, so that counts for a lot, but no song really means a lot to me emotionally. I just like them. They make me happy. “Harder to Breathe” definitely has helped in sad times over the years, just because of that one line, but no lyrics on “Hands All Over” really emotionally get to me, besides maybe “Never Gonna Leave this Bed” because I have a very tumultuous relationship with sleep, but that song has nothing to do with sleep.
I usually rely heavily on lyrics when judging music, so the fact that I could love this album as much as I do without feeling a tangible connection to a song on it is pretty weird. I sort of panicked when I realized this, because for a second I was like “What does that even meeeaaan?” But then I got over it. Ain’t nothing wrong with a fun Pop/Rock album.
Maroon5 gets criticized for their infectious hooks. Somehow, it takes away rockstar cred. A “Rolling Stone” review of “Hands All Over” claimed that they are too uptight for their sexy choruses to feel authentically rock & roll. I guess meaning that songs like “Hands All Over don’t work because Adam (or maybe the whole band?) takes himself too seriously. I mean, maaaybe I understand that point. But I hate it when people criticize pop. What are they supposed to do, dumb down their hooks so that people call them more credible?
It is kind of weird how perfect and packaged it all seems, but whatever, I like it. I can’t wait to see them live. People who don’t even like them have told me they are amazing live. Anyway, here are the highlights of the record for me.
“Stutter”- cannot get it out of my head, no matter how hard I try. Extremely poppy, but def my favorite song on the record.
“Never Gonna Leave This Bed”- I think it’s one of the most radio friendly tracks on the album, explaining why it was a single. Also love this video.
“Hands All Over”- Inauthentic or not all I can think when I hear this song is “Yes please, what time can I come over?”
“How”- When I said I don’t connect to a lot of the lyrics on this record emotionally, that does not mean the lyrics suck, there are great lyrics on the album. They are usually in the love songs, which are harder for me to make personal.
“Just A Feeling”- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sidenote: Their live Alicia Keys cover of “If I Ain’t Got You” is epic, out of this world.
I’m paranoid because my entries usually have so much more depth or at least I usually have more to say about the albums. But what can I say? He’s got me under this spell.
It has no album yet, but I feel the need to share my current all time fave song of theirs…hypnotized by his “Moves Like Jagger”
So before the aforementioned Maroon5 fever (literally I was starting to believe I was in the middle of some sort of sick spell they talk about in novels like “Pride & Prejudice”) Kate Voegele’s “Gravity Happens” is actually what inspired me to start up this blog wholeheartedly again. (For the record, I know the spell is at least beginning to pass because I’ve had “Gravity Happens” on repeat as I update the blog)…First of all, it’s a very summery sounding LP. I think summery to me is either dancy, heavily acoustic, or Country….although I listen to all of that all year ’round so maybe it’s that she talks about sunshine and sandcastles a lot…
Anyway, she’s an acoustic singer/songwriter through and through, and I’m convinced she agrees with me in the “summery sound” bc she releases her LPs in the summer often. I’ve always enjoyed her lyrical choices before this record, (“You are my Manhattan from the sky”, what more perfect lyrical imagery is there than that?), but something about this collection of songs means more to me, and it is probably up there in my top 5 favorite albums of all time because these songs can heal me.
There are more wonderful songs on this album than what I’m going to talk about, (and also one miss that I really wish was still on the studio floor. Ironically, I think it miiight be the single, it’s hard to tell sometimes with artists who are only sort of well known), but I only ever write about stuff I have something to saaay about. Read this, but then go listen to this whole album, because I said so. (PS, the song titles are links to the song, gotta work on making them not black…or figuring out how to get a Soundcloud player into my posts)
Kind of surprising myself that I’m writing about this one. Its the fourth track on the album, and before today was honestly just one of the “Great songs on this album that doesn’t mean toooo much to me but makes me happy. Then, surprise, surprise, I got this idea in my head that I wish I could go to a Maroon5 concert in Reno on my birthday, buy the VIP tickets, and take a damn picture with Adam Levine on my birthday, just because I want to. I don’t like calling things impossible. But it’s highly probable that this isn’t going to happen. I would love to be able to up and go do it because I want to, just like my cousin recently just decided to buy a SRO ticket to the NBA Finals and a ticket to Miami because he didn’t have to work and he’s a Heat fan. I admire and envy that ability so much, but we don’t have to go through the long list of reasons why myy equivalent to his impromptu Basketball Adventure won’t happen for a very long time. But it’s going to happen one day. Because I will not take the ability to do it for granted (not saying that he did, just the fact that he did it proves he didn’t take anything for granted. You better believe I’m going to blog the heck out of that trip though, whenever and where ever it is)
So what does this have to do with a Kate Voegele song, you ask? Nothing. And everything. Because Suddenly “I want a violet bicycle, flip flops and sand between my toes, these are the beautiful things in life/So give me that off the shoulder dress, the one that the boys will not forget/Well I want just a little bit more from life…Maybe I should pack my bags and fly to Costa Rica, put a flower in my hair a dancing senorita.” Became very metaphorical. Nevermind the mentions of great escapes. And now I really want a violet bicycle, and to skinny dip under cotton candy skies, just bc cotton candy skies and violet bicycles sound lovely. (The other explanations won’t be this long, promise…I think I promise)
This one’s really easy. She pretty much read my mind in the chorus, except I wiiiish I had the same religion she does, but mine is similar. “I’d rather make sandcastles, than some of these wide-world decisions, I knew it all was catching up to me/ And I don’t have a plan at all but I got this six string religion and I do, I do believe a song can heal me, it’s enough for me.” I would have written this whole entire song if I were musically talented at all. She basically put my thoughts over the past year to a melody. That’s powerful stuff. Hard to really put in words exactly what this song means to me….
This song has a really fun beat, but is slightly angry. This sounds weird, but it makes me happy and angry at the same time, and that makes perfect sense to me. “I ain’t never been a patient girl baby, I ain’t built like this…the way you’re takin’ your time’s got me jumpin’ ship, and I won’t lie let’s call this what it is an impatient girl waiting on an empty wish.” The other night I was thinking about what, exactly, my empty wishes were. They are the little things that I think I will never get done (but I will eventually) But then there’s that one really big empty wish, that I hardly allow myself to wish….And getting into it would be getting too deep for me right now, so we are moving onnnn…
It’s a world of peculiar people
And places that look nothing like home
But it keeps turning – and turning even though
Gravity happens…
And we don’t know it till after we’ve hit the ground
The world’s spinning faster
With each day that passes and each dashing hour
What am I to do? I’ve broken my parachute
So if gravity happens, then I’ll fasten wings to my shoes
Love these lyrics. Love this song. Am going to tattoo that last line to my feet, I think. Because songs always try to speak eloquently about overcoming obstacles in life. But I’ve never heard it said more beautifully than “If gravity happens, then I’ll fasten wings to my shoes…”
Hiii!!! Clearly the fact that this is posted on FB means it’s back. My hiatus from this particular project can be explained easily. For one there was the little matter of my layout not being exactly readable (Fixed, thanks to a friend, but sadly I’m going to have to pay more to keep it this way very soon), then there was the concert drought which happens every year of my life, sadly from Fall to Spring. (Although in a Freudian slip of sorts I did post a Boyce Avenue Concert entry from my other blog on here in the Fall. I believe I was planning 2 separate blogs, but I am lazy, and sadly, I do not make an exception on that for my blogs…)
Lastly, there is the sad fact that reality just hits me every once in awhile. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the dream I have for exactly what I want this project to be one day is a long way off. Trust me though, it is going to happen. Because, although I sometimes forget that I have this outlet to talk about music (because I think I wanted it to be all stories and analysis), I always come back here. Always some back here writing about how this blog feels like home, feels right, and then I post some more. For weeks or months and then the doubt creeps in and I’m like “Everyone thinks I’m only rockstar crazed. No one gets the point. No one cares how I feel about *Insert an artist or album title here*. Thus I stop and the cycle begins again.
So here I am again, with 7 concerts to blog about over the course of the summer (4 are TSwift where a very good friend and I have a serious mission, everything about that will be thoroughly documented and filed under “The Taylor Swift Experience” or something cheesy like that, it’s going to be glorious.) 1 is NKOTBSB (for the record I did not beg for a date to this one, as I hate Nassau Colosseum with every fiber of my being but was very glad to accept an invite:) Last is a repeat Sara Bareilles, where I hope to get to Central Park early enough to somehow get a better view than an eye-level giant piano. But before that there are fabulous, amazing, wonderful, beautiful nosebleed seats to Maroon5, Train, and Gavin Degraw.
I have recently developed somewhat of a huge obsession with Adam Levine because of “The Voice” (and because he is the personification of the word “perfection”) so I’ve been almost literally unable to listen to anything but Maroon5 for about a week, but this would not happen if I did not find their music good for some profound reason, even if I can’t articulate it quite yet. I can’t get enough of “Hands All Over”, not just bc I think it’s a brilliant album title…. I also love love love “Save Me San Francisco” and very much appreciate vintage Train as well. And as a diehard “One Tree Hill” fan, I love Gavin Degraw, and think that he has the sexiest name ever to be given to a child. And I’m proud of the fact that I only think the naaame is sexy and like the music.
Is it clear yet that I’m most excited for that concert? If not there’s also the fact that I find Jones Beach concerts one of the most religious experiences of my life. I can’t remember the last one I was at (“Never Gone” BSB tour maybe?) But nothing feels more perfect to me than an out door concert. This will be my first time not having a front row spot, but I’m trying to find a way to change that, although it is most definitely plausible that I will pass out from seeing perfection that close up.
So anyway, if you made it through that all, thanks. I take it to mean you love me, but of course I’m going to blog about some music next…Stay tuned…(well you actually probably read that one first soooo…maybe just thanks and I promise I will write more soon because writing here makes me really happy?)….
Yesterday, I went to the Boyce Avenue concert with my friend Liv in Brooklyn. I don’t remember if I knew of them before she told me about the show, if I did it was very little. The show was at the Brooklyn Hall of Music, which of course is grandfathered in and doesn’t have to follow ADA laws for building construction (I think, but I’m assuming). That’s not to say they’re not accommodating. We thought we got their early, but I guess not because the place was packed, and in order to get a good view we had to trust the venue guys to help us down 3 steps.
You know how I’m always thinking. Well, this got me thinking about how trustworthy I sometimes have to be of strangers. These guys were so nice and I don’t think it’s smart to randomly attack a cripple in public but…just…If I wanted a decent spot at this show I had to trust these guys to help me down these stairs. Other people have more choices. I couldn’t help but think “Damn, that has to give me some strength points”. Not to be cocky or anything but really though. Holding on to someone for balance is not exactly trusting them with my life, but still…
Anyway, so we were on a balcony and it was my first time seeing a concert from this view. Most of the time general admissions venues have spots for wheelchairs in the front. I’ve only been in the middle of a huge crowd, front center, once, for Sara Bareilles (which I eventually have to write up for The Musical Ride), and I think it was the worst experience I’ve had (not saying it was bad though). Being up high looking down felt amazing. I thought I would hate it but it’s not the same as not being up front at any other concert. We were right by rails so no one was blocking our view and I had my walker, so I could sit orrrr stand up and hold on to the rails and it’s silly but I felt so freeeeee at moments. I also didn’t trust myself to hold my camera over the balcony to take pics or video, which is freeing as well.
The 2nd opener was good, Alex Koot. And I loved Boyce Avenue. I like their covers more (they are a YouTube sensation of sorts, known for covers if you don’t know), but I did love their originals too. Their lyrics got to me. My favorites of the set were “Teenage Dream” (seriously, they put Katy Perry to shame). “Wonderwall”, “On My Way” “Briane” and “Hear Me Now”. I’m sure there were more but I didn’t memorize the setlist and since I’m just getting familiar with their music it’s harder to remember.
From The Musical Ride Project you all know that I get this feeling at every concert, but I just felt right there. I felt like music, especially live music, needs to be a part of my life, my career. Yesterday in particular it hit me pretty hard because earlier in the day I met with a career center counselor at Hofstra who basically told me to stop being scared of going after a career I know I’m supposed to have. She said I need to take the GRE again which made me want to die and run around campus begging for hugs…(I got about 5, my sorority comes in handy sometimes because math is evil to me. I know I have to change my mindset to succeed, but still.
Up on this balcony, with my view from the top, the GRE didn’t make me want to cry. It seemed like a small price to pay in order to do something I really and truly love. I think the best feeling in the world is “right”. The simplest way to describe how music makes me feel is right. I’ve also realized that I’ve been forgetting my philosophy that I met Kris Allen, so I can do anything. It might make people laugh, but it pushes me and proves to me that I can make my dreams come true.
Thanks in part to 2 great friends, one who always listens to me and has honest advice to share, and one who worked from afar to make my night special, and thanks to Boyce Avenue, last night I was more clear about where my life was going than I have been in months. It’s not going to be an easy road to take, but I’ve never picked the easy road, I’ve only ever picked the one that felt right. I write about all my concerts because all of them seem to teach me a lesson, this one was no exception.
Today I slept very late because I was up til an ungodly hr downloading music. Very late is an understatement actually. I slept to avoid the alone time I knew I was getting today because my parents were in the city, but I wish I hadn’t because the time I did get was lovely. I did nothing worth writing about. I’m currently reading The Carrie Diaries, which is a teen novel and which I’m going to have to work hard to make an entry out of when I’m done. So I read and listened to music and ate. But I didn’t let myself wish someone had called me for too long or stress about what I should be doing. I just was. More people should try just being more often.
And now, for your Listening pleasure, Boyce Avenue’s “Teenage Dream”:
In an attempt to make at least one or 2 hrs of this day enjoyable/productive, I’m turning to the blog. So Sara Bareilles, Kaleidoscope Heart. I’ve been thinking about what I’d say about this album for a few days now, and the first thing that always comes to my mind is that there’s little growth. Even down to the lead off singles of both albums, the sameness of things is amazing…both “Love Song” and “King of Anything” are about struggles for creative freedom.
At first, I was really unimpressed by that. It felt like cheating or something. And the rest of the album is what’s expected of her. The ballads are off the charts amazing, the faster songs are a little bit weaker, and on first listen, I was just like “Oh”. My favorite track will always be the intro, because I fell in love with the lyrics in he title of this post. “I have hope, inside is not a heart, but a Kaleidoscope.” AMAZING. What she means is that instead of a steadily pumping, boring muscle, she hopes our hearts are constantly changing color and shape as we grow, like a kaleidoscope does. I just love that metaphor, so nothing can really match that 1.02 minutes of the album.
But on my 3rd listen through, I kind of remembered what Sara B.’s about. Who am I to judge the artistic growth of an artist when I’m not the one growing? And why do you need to grow, if you are amazing at what you do? Sara is an amazing lyricist and pianist, and it might have taken me longer to connect to it, but there are deeper lyrics on this album than the debut and the individual tracks have more potential as singles than the debut did, and as is evident by it’s number 1 spot on the Billboard Chart, it’s a very impressive piece of art overall…
Since I’m alone and in the zone, I have to set the scene, I think it helps the words flow better or something. It’s 2:13 AM on the 31st of Aug. So technically I start training for work tomorrow (oh yeah, I got that job at Barnes & Noble, in case you didn’t know) but I am calm, and wide awake. My parents are spending the night with dad’s cousin in the Hamptons, and again, I gotta say again, I love this kind of quiet of the late night. Not even the kitties are bothering me, because they are being so bad, they had to stay in the Florida room a day, even if I wanted to clean up after their mess myself…But anyway, that’s a story for a different blog…
“The Ultimate” playlist is playing. Right now, Sara Bareilles’ new single “King of Anything” is on. I’m waiting for my friend to finish the blog layout, so I’m writing this on a word document, because I want to debut it with this post…I had to pay for her to be able to get it up, and after looking at my bank account today, that probably wasn’t the best idea, but this blog is my baby. I want to love it visually as much as I’m in love with the idea of what it is supposed to be, even if that idea isn’t exactly completely off the ground yet (and who knows? It might not ever get where I want it to be)…
But, a couple of music-related things have happened recently that made me realize that, no matter how frequently I post, whether I actually achieve the goal of traveling alone eventually or not, I need this blog. This is exactly where I need to be writing about music, and how. On my terms. Because yeah, I can sort of write about the melodies of a song, the lyrics, sometimes even the producers, but I feel so emotionally connected to songs sometimes that it would be impossible for me to just do that, unless I was lucky enough to get paid for it, but I’d still keep this blog.
The first thing is kind of hard to explain. The short version is, I can’t get Taylor Swift’s “Mine” out of my head. The longer version is, I think the girl should write a young adult romance novel. Her songs basically are mini ones anyway, and she has a way with lyrics and her videos always bring the story to life pretty perfectly. The dreamer in me is thinking I should really run with this idea…seriously! The girl can write a song, and whether she can write a novel or not, it would sell millions. I have a feeling someone might actually have the power to make that happen one day, but if so, I thought of it first, OK?
Back to my point. “Mine” is so addictive or something, and listening to the lyrics and watching the video I’m like “Hey, maybe this love thing can really happen for me”. Because I am many things, and one of them is “a careless (in the best of ways) man’s careful daughter.” So Taylor has me believing not so much in love as in fairytales. Laugh all you want, but recently I’ve gone from believing the adamant statement “Someone will fall in love with me, someday…”, to telling myself “I can fall in love with a hot guy who plays acoustic guitar, that’s not soo much to ask, it can happen..” It might not seem like much, but it is, it so is, especially because I believe that God gives you the opportunity to get what you want in this world, if you actively believe it…
Before you get all weirded out, obviously I’m not going to throw myself at every guy I meet who plays guitar, or walk away from love if he happens to play the piano. And, with the exception of John Mayer, who is a sexy, beastly guitar God whose children I’d have tomorrow, I don’t exactly have unrealistic fantasies about running away with a rock star. He’s probably the only one I like who isn’t married, anyway…It’s just nice to get the thought of “Not only will someone love me, he will sing to me..” every once in awhile. Because when I melt, it’s usually because a guy is singing amazing words to or at me while playing the guitar. (Like I’m melting right now as JM’s “Comfortable” comes on Itunes). So thanks TSwift, thanks for Fairytales.
And speaking of rockstars, can we talk about mine for a sec? Well, he’s Katy’s, (I am reminded as “Red Guitar” starts playing…LOL Kris fans get that)…but anyway, for real. A few days ago, I was lying on my cousins’ couch trying to sleep, but I was sad, so naturally I was listening to Brand New Shoes. I was sad, because yet another concert trip seemed impossible to plan, and again, the only thing that was holding it back was the fact that I couldn’t go alone…
Long story short, I had officially ruled out dragging my cousin along, because that would not be fun for either of us…It’s the Kris concert I was thinking about, so obviously I didn’t just get pissed off and let it go. I was trying to think of ways to go by myself, already thinking about what a great entry I would write if, after achieving my goal to meet Kris, his music inspired me enough to start working on the independent travel goal.
Without getting into all the details, I was hitting dead ends with every possible scenario I thought of to get out of Penn station. None of them were getting me to Roseland. I think it was “Running” that was playing. “Running” was definitely playing. These lines of the song were playing. “Maybe you just lost yourself and don’t know how /It’s sometimes all taken out/ Won’t you take it catch your breath and you’ll find out /That you’re runnin’ from yourself /Runnin’ from yourself”
And let me tell you, I started bawling (quietly of course). I’ve cried to this album many times, but I’ve never cried because of anything in it. Its not like I think Kris was telling me I was running from myself and to stop (well, literally guys, he was). It was just more weird than any other time I’ve used that album for comfort, because there I was, thinking of all the reasons I couldn’t get to Roseland, and the lines “You’re runnin’ from yourself” come out of my earphones, and I was almost mad, because Brand New Shoes had never been right before. It had only been comforting and inspiring. Never challenging, never exactly right.
The more stuff like this that happens with music, this album specifically, the harder it gets to put it into words. Like now I feel like I have to write a whole other letter because the first one I wrote didn’t have these details in it, though that’s pointless, as I don’t even know he read the 1st one…Well I do, I hope he doesn’t take pinky swears lightly, and it wouldn’t be pointless. Even if he never does get back to me he wrote the songs, I’m pretty sure he could understand their potential meaning to others, but, oh how nice a Tweet would be…
Annnyyyyway, what the Fairytales and Dead Ends have lead me to is that I absolutely need a music-related tattoo…I do NOT take tattoos lightly…There’s a fairy with the word “Believe” on my right arm. I had the idea for 3 years before I had a reason and enough conviction to do it in my head. The fairy is pretty. But I didn’t know what she looked like, because what the tattoo is really about for me is the word believe, and what this 1 is about is not what it is, but who the artists are…Watch this video before I continue…
Don’t worry. I’m not getting anyone’s signature tattooed on my ribcage, I just thought the way this guy documented the whole experience was cool (or his sister actually) And I’m not crazy. I asked my friend Sammi to rate the idea from 1 to crazy and she said something like “That’s kind of cool actually…” Sammi would have no problem telling me I was crazy…
The exact idea is this: A peace, love and music (that’s a peace sign, a heart and a musical note or treble cleff) tattoo probably on my arm. Each of the 3 images drawn by 3 musicians whose music affects my life…
My top 3 choices are:
Kris (obvi…)
Sara Bareilles
And 1 or all 3 members of Hanson
I think that’s a reachable list as far as meeting them goes (though I was 3 weeks late with the ideeeaaa or the peace sign would be done, which I’m kicking myself about)…but they are also honestly 3 of the most influential musical acts on my life. And there are different stories for each of them. Sara Bareilles kept me sane on a flamingo pink bean bag in Allentown, PA. I cried to Hanson’s “When You’re Gone” for hours when I was 16 and battling the many different kinds of self-injury demons that were taking over my life at the time, and well…everyone and their momma (literally, except my momma) knows what Kris’ music means to me…
You might think I’m crazy, but there only 1 song lyric I might even consider putting on my body, I think it’s a lil over the top to do the sig thing, and music means too much to just have some random tattoo artist draw up the art and stick it on my arm….
So that’s my next big idea. A peace, love, and music tattoo designed by 3 musicians who have shaped my life. It might take me years, but it’s going to happen…If only I knew how to get it done…Ideas, advice, opinions on the layout??? Comment people! Blog comments make me happy
Juuuuuust discovered quicktime vids don't work in IMovie. Youtubing it of course but the Blogs are gonna take awhile. Le sigh. 10 months ago
Yesterday was orienting ourselves. Today is Hunting and gathering. This is gonna be harder than I thought 10 months ago
Dream Quest 13: An introduction is up on The Musical Ride. The 1st vlog/blog of the 1st official "ride" pleaz check it http://bit.ly/nUSMMD10 months ago
because math is evil to me. I know I have to change my mindset to succeed, but still.
